Friday, March 28, 2008


Unlike Spring Breaks in the past where I would leave dodge and head out to go climbing for the week with friends, this spring break I decided to go on a cruise vacation with my girlfriend and her family. In order to get to our ship we planned on driving to save money. This could be ok, or this could be real bad. Bear in mind, there were 6 of us. So we all piled into Chris' F250 and left DC around 12:00pm on Friday and some 15 hours or so later arrived in Miami the next morning. The drive really wasn't all that bad and actually seemed to go by quicker than any drive i'd been on of that length. Maybe, it was the fact that i never had to pull driving duty. Chris probally didn't trust me with his truck. Little does he know that i've had to drive a 20 foot U-Haul twice from DC to NC and while working for a catering company while in highschool had to regularly drive their trucks to and from events. Another reason the ride was relatively cush' was that we turned the camper covered bed of the truck into a sleeping quarters complete with my crashpad, blankets, pillows, even wireless internet thanks to Chris' anywhere card. We even had 3 lap tops to watch movies on. So all in all, not too bad of a trip. Now for the cruising and boozing part. Well, actually not too much boozing on my part, more like drinking 5 or 6 beers daily over the course of the day along with 5000 calories or so of food all the while turning into a fat, lazy vacationer. Not the chiseled and tuned machine I truly am. :) Anyway, as i was saying, the food was ridiculous. Anytime, everywhere, and tons of it. If you actually had some sort of self control you might not gain any weight while cruising but if your me who will eat just about anything and lots of it as long as its around, well then your in trouble. At least the cruise had a gym in which I actually worked out in 3 different days. Me working out in the gym, thats funny. All of these meathead types; or spring breakers trying to burn off the liquid calories for last night debauchery; or the anorexic mom trying to maintain the skeleton look, and then me desperately trying to figure out how to use the weight machines all the while trying to maintain the image that i do this all of the time. Along with the gym, the cruise had basketball courts, shuffle board, pingpong tables, dance clubs, sports bars, restaurants, casinos, observation decks, wifi cafe, basically anything you really needed, you had. A cruise ship is really a moving town. And like any tight knit town, you get to see the same people daily and although i really didn't talk to too many people besides Tracy's family, I did get a "feel" for many others who I observed. Yea, I admit it, I am a closet stalker. Well, maybe a better word is observer. As long as I can remember i've loved to observe people. Man, people can be really weird. Ok, this post is getting long and i haven't even begun to tell you about the island we stopped in. First stop, was Roatan, Honduras. This was my favorite spot. It truly felt like an island paradise isolated from all the worries and nonsense of everyday life. Here he went horseback riding with Sharkie as our guide. We rode for about 2 hours down the street, through the village, along the beach, and into the jungle. Later we went to the beach where i swam across the bay to a coral cave where i did my first, maybe only, climb in Roatoan. 9 biggish type moves on juggy, but painful, coral out of a very steep cave. At the end of the day before boarding the ship i played some music with local musicians and did some dancing. Our next stop was Belize City which was exactly what you'd expect from a third world city-50 years behind the times, hectic, and generally poor. In Belize we basically shopped around at the local craft market haggling for the best deal on hand made jewelery, knick nacks, etc. and walked around taking in the sights and sounds. One thing i really liked about Belize was that you could get a bag of fresh peanuts on just about every street corner for 1 us dollar. Oh, I almost forgot but I saw these kids jumping off of a building into the ocean in Belize and thought, damn, that looks fun I should go join them since there wasn't much else going on. It was about 25 feet into the ocean. The locals swore that it was deep enough but sure enough I hit coral and cut up my toes and feet which made for a painful next few days. Next stop, and much food and many beers later, was Cozumel. We had a fishing trip planned and Tracy thought i would get sea sick and even bet her Dad that I would. I told myself that no way, no how would i throw up just to prove that I got sea legs. Well, I didn't throw up but I sure didn't feel too good on that boat especially after a few beers began to rot in my gut. Sun plus beer plus rocky waves equals no bueno. In six hours of fishing we only got on freakin' bite but we caught the sucker. Chris reeled in a 3 foot long barracuda with teeth on it that could have chopped off a hand. The first mate took a 2 by 4 and clubbed the thing 4 times before it died. After Cozumel we had a day on the water which means a lot of time to be bored. So when your bored you gotta create shit to do. I climbed stairs upside down, jumped stairs using the railings (I think my record was 9 steps on that trip but I could have done much better if i hadn't cut up my toes on the coral jumping off that stupid building), I campused I-beams and support structures, and even played a little ping pong with mi nobia. For the record, i went Forest Gump on her ass and wupped up. I also ate and drank too much to point of feeling sick. Feeling sick was actually daily occurrence, especially by dinner when the boat's rocking began to take its effect and you felt like you were nauseous and dizzy. Our last stop was to the Bahamas where most stores and things were closed because of Good Friday. We ended up walking a few miles to this ritzy resort called Atlantis where there were casinos, lagoon pools, reggae bands, and baller yahts. I mean BALLER, LIKE BILL GATES OR HUGH HEFNER, like 50 million dollar private yahts docked at the resort. They're was also some real neat aquariams at the resort with all kinds of fish from Manta Rays to sharks. Last but not least was the trip home and after 7 days feeling pent up with energy and 15 hour car ride can make even the sanest of men go crazy. These videos are examples of how one can loose their mind when you've been doing too much CRUISING AND BOOZING


The Case Family said...

Dear Tracy's Boyfriend,

Even though we have never technically met.. I remember seeing you in the halls at PVHS. I just wanted you to know I thought that this post was freaking hilarious! The recap of your trip was outstanding. Thanks for the laugh!

AMY_BELL - said...

Suprising...I think I actually lost weight! I had no self control and I have no idea how that happened. Haha, weird! Anyway, nice pictures. I'm not too sure what I think about the videos just yet. I'm glad you had fun with us :)